All Aboard!

"All Aboard!"
Echoes of journey's beginning
Sun glancing off polished metal
Steel, brass, copper
Steam hissing
Piston learches
"Whomp-Whump"
Dull throb of power
Felt more than heard

Movement
Inches at a time, slow acceleration
"Whomp-Whump...Whomp-Whump"
Wheels slip
Metallic screech carries down the rail
Momentum builds
The journey begins...only,
I watch as the train pulls away
Here, glued to the ground
Sounds of progress fading in the distance
I feel a drop of rain

I am having a bit of a melancholy morning today and I am feeling like I am missing opportunities ... actually, I know that I am missing opportunities and most of that is due to circumstances that might appear to be beyond my control. There is not much more to say about this other than this just came to mind for some reason.

I always liked steam power so as soon as the words "All Aboard!" were in front of me the rest just followed along. So while I am expressing a feeling of missing something I also am recollecting summers past.

My Grandfather had a steam tractor, 1908 I think it was built. I recall times of traveling with him to rural fairs around the area. We would load the tractor onto a flatbed to float it around most times. We would set up the tractor on old threshers or stone crushers ...whatever old equipment that may have been available and would normally have been belt driven by a steam engine. So it was definitely a working unit, they don't built them like they used to...actually they don't build them at all.

There were a few times that were took the tractor to the local fair by driving it along the shoulder of the road. I always remember the big hill along the way. As we would approach the hill he would syphon more water into the boiler and I would stoke the fire hotter to get the steam pressure to maximum...we needed it. The trouble was always that we would build up too much of a head of steam, (no "head of steam" cliche here, this was the real thing), and as we peaked and started to head down, coasting and not using steam, the pressure relief would blow. That was always a startling thing even though it was expected.

We still have the engine but it does not get fired up any more. Too much red tape to try to bring these relics to fairs anymore, safety concerns with old boilers and all, fuel costs to float them around.

Those were the days.

Jeff.

Reality

Welcome to the "real world"
Tragedy
Hardship
Loss
Shadow
Sadness
Emotional slavery
Psychological leash
Tethered to the deadwood tree
Despair the currency of this reality
Opacity impairing the truth
Who does reality serve if not ourselves

Where lies happiness
Frivolity
Connection
Hope
Love
Down the road less travelled
The winding way
Hiding behind shadows of ourselves
As if lurking and unwanted
Places we cannot reach
Unwittingly bound in this reality
Guilt ridden and blind
Groping aimlessly through life
Snatching joy in pieces
Holidays but once each year
Wistfully recalled while looking the other way
Heart strings tugged
Tears to the eye
Despair for fleeting feelings seemed lost

Reality is our making
Bars erected to our own design
The jailor within known well
We can remain resigned to our manufactured fate
And wallow in self pity until our physical death
No real lessons learned
Or,
Bribe the jailor to leave the door ajar
See and feel beyond
Let our gaze remain adrift
While we frolic in places where we choose not to look
Experience happiness for what it is,
Not what we think it ought to be
Inadvertently the bar has been set too high
In order that we may fail and blame not ourselves,
But our circumstances
The bar need not be lowered, only removed
Like our reality
Happiness is what we make it
Live life as we would rather
Replace the jailhouse with a loom
Weave a life of joy
And create a tapestry of such vibrant colour
That any glancing at it would have tears of despair replaced by tears of joy

I have been thinking that I have been doing well in living as I would rather, but, of course, I keep looking the other way...or do I?

A variety of circumstances lately have had me looking inside again only to find that I am still not living as I might. Living for the now has been a good start as it lets me experience time in a seemingly expanded mode. Every weekend feels like a long weekend, every evening feels like a day. The best part is that time does not drag out but just feels fuller than it used to without seeming to pass by like a speeding train. So I suppose I can consider that a level of progress as others about me still complain how fast the time goes and that time off is fleeting and how unsatisfied they are in general.

Interestingly I seem to tally time as time spent outside of work. Being that I work in a family business I might expect more overlap, but business is business most times and that is not where I really want to be. Not counting it perhaps forces my time sense to fill the gaps as if they did not exist, ignoring the reality and focusing more on the creation of happiness.

So I suppose that this poem reflects where I have been and, more or less, where I am now rather than where I am trying to come from. Sort of a "Been there, done that and have the T-shirt to prove it" thing and a reminder that there is more yet to come.

Jeff.