Poking at the dregs...Subdued by Default

Today I am in the throes of organizing my self, my work and my life...not necessarily in that order. The odd thing is that in organizing I find that I need to disorganize first... touch the anarchy to find the order and let the order go to allow everything to find it's own order.

Perhaps I am just hoping that it will find it's own order and save me some trouble.

Which brings me to the dregs, some of the old jottings that I never finished or just never posted. This one seemed to fit with my mood today and, seeing as I have not posted in a very long time, I figured that it was time to re-visit myself from a year ago. This bit certainly is appropriate given my thoughts today...perhaps this was meant for me to read now. Sort of a message from myself to myself from the recent past.

(I was going to touch this up but decided that it means more to me exactly as it was put down, so I left it.)

Busy-ness tends to keep the mind off of the important things...perhaps in the fear that the important stuff is not actually the good stuff. That and the trivial stuff tends to overpower the important stuff due primarily to it's relative volume. I have been trying to find the time to do some meditation...I have been doing that for a long time actually... trying to find the time that is. Some really serious "not thinking". Too tired, I know that I will fall asleep.

I think that we all entertain ourselves too much in order to lessen the inner turmoil as if in not having time to face the beast it will be subdued by default...

Within structured monotony
Anarchy reigns supreme
Unknown to the self
Unseen by others
Hoping to get by
Without restraints
Skulking around the corners
Viscous liquid
Putrid black oil
Brushing against the bounds
Trail of inky passage
Careful to avoid the thin decoration
Not to wake the false master
Fearful of the stain
Fearful of the damage
Fearful of being subdued by default

Heh.
I am not sure how else to express this but the fear of being subdued in and of itself subdues the beast and lessens our experience of the awakening of our true inner selves.

Jeff.